Stationary Love

John stands, not so far away but close enough that I can smell his Axe. He smiles at me, I feel a rush down my spine, I smile back. The thing is, John and I have been friends for many years. Many years of memories, and many years of mistakes. We’ve always had a thing for each other, he admitted it once, but I turned him down. Not like a lady, but like a diva - walking away from my feelings and the opportunity I had. The thing is, when you value someone’s friendship so much, you put aside your feelings so you can maintain the great relationship that was already established.
I look down at my palms, sweaty, they’ve never been like this before. I look up, John is staring at me. His dark washed eyes make the features of his face ten times brighter, like an olive, the red part distracts you from the actual picture. I can’t even describe how nervous I was, maybe because I still loved him or maybe because my heart was telling me to do something about it. But I sat there, pressing my pale skin against my green jeans, which reminded me of him, because he loves green and all. My friend Jamie is stares at me. She knows me too well to see past the fake smile I flash at her.
“If you wait forever fate will turn the tables on you” Jamie whispers in my ears. I hate when she does that, that’s her voice of wisdom… she’s always right.
“Well fate can wait a little longer,”

Jamie grabs John. She can see how much I’ve been wanting to tell him.

“Here Delilah, I think you’ve been waiting for this,”

Jamie hands me John. I link arms with him and take him somewhere where we can get a little privacy. I don’t know why I linked arms with him; I guess I thought – maybe – everything was about to change for the better.

“Delilah, it’s dark,”
“Only when the lights are off,”

I flick the lights on. Men have too many expectations now a days, like… like all of us are just Barbie dolls only needing one thing to satisfy us. But society did change love’s outlook.

“You know what I want to talk to you about?” I kind of play with my fingers, it’s a really bad habit of mine.
“You like me… more than a friend?” John smiles at me, like he’s been waiting for this moment for so long.

I nod. And it’s not those ‘hey-get-at-me’ nods; it’s more of those ‘please-don’t-hurt-me’ nods. He just stares like the whole world was wrong. I figured he didn’t want to talk. So we sat for a little longer until he finally said something:

“You broke my heart Delilah. I just, don’t want to get hurt anymore”
Then he left.

I felt like the walls were caving in on me. That all this time, I believed that if you set something free and it comes back than it is meant to be. But all I did was set him free long enough to realize that waiting for someone who let you down won’t pick you up. So he decided to move on, day by day, thought by thought, decided to move on. And I didn’t even know how much he loved me or how long it took for him to let me go. It just showed me that if you love someone, take a chance ‘cause good things happen when you try, bad things fall apart when you don’t and worse things build up if you decide to let go when you can’t move on. I didn’t do what I should’ve done when I had the chance.
Take a chance and fall in love. If it doesn’t work out, remember that greater things will.

Love, msoptimistic.tumblr.com