I don't know how.

I'm trying to figure out why I can't get out of this situation. Why, I just can't let you go. I'm so angry but I understand at the same time. I still like you, but as a friend, I loved you. I wish you could forgive me, I've known you for years and I never thought that I would be the one stuck in this situation with you. I can't stop crying, I just never felt so broken.

Stationary Love

John stands, not so far away but close enough that I can smell his Axe. He smiles at me, I feel a rush down my spine, I smile back. The thing is, John and I have been friends for many years. Many years of memories, and many years of mistakes. We’ve always had a thing for each other, he admitted it once, but I turned him down. Not like a lady, but like a diva - walking away from my feelings and the opportunity I had. The thing is, when you value someone’s friendship so much, you put aside your feelings so you can maintain the great relationship that was already established.
I look down at my palms, sweaty, they’ve never been like this before. I look up, John is staring at me. His dark washed eyes make the features of his face ten times brighter, like an olive, the red part distracts you from the actual picture. I can’t even describe how nervous I was, maybe because I still loved him or maybe because my heart was telling me to do something about it. But I sat there, pressing my pale skin against my green jeans, which reminded me of him, because he loves green and all. My friend Jamie is stares at me. She knows me too well to see past the fake smile I flash at her.
“If you wait forever fate will turn the tables on you” Jamie whispers in my ears. I hate when she does that, that’s her voice of wisdom… she’s always right.
“Well fate can wait a little longer,”

Jamie grabs John. She can see how much I’ve been wanting to tell him.

“Here Delilah, I think you’ve been waiting for this,”

Jamie hands me John. I link arms with him and take him somewhere where we can get a little privacy. I don’t know why I linked arms with him; I guess I thought – maybe – everything was about to change for the better.

“Delilah, it’s dark,”
“Only when the lights are off,”

I flick the lights on. Men have too many expectations now a days, like… like all of us are just Barbie dolls only needing one thing to satisfy us. But society did change love’s outlook.

“You know what I want to talk to you about?” I kind of play with my fingers, it’s a really bad habit of mine.
“You like me… more than a friend?” John smiles at me, like he’s been waiting for this moment for so long.

I nod. And it’s not those ‘hey-get-at-me’ nods; it’s more of those ‘please-don’t-hurt-me’ nods. He just stares like the whole world was wrong. I figured he didn’t want to talk. So we sat for a little longer until he finally said something:

“You broke my heart Delilah. I just, don’t want to get hurt anymore”
Then he left.

I felt like the walls were caving in on me. That all this time, I believed that if you set something free and it comes back than it is meant to be. But all I did was set him free long enough to realize that waiting for someone who let you down won’t pick you up. So he decided to move on, day by day, thought by thought, decided to move on. And I didn’t even know how much he loved me or how long it took for him to let me go. It just showed me that if you love someone, take a chance ‘cause good things happen when you try, bad things fall apart when you don’t and worse things build up if you decide to let go when you can’t move on. I didn’t do what I should’ve done when I had the chance.
Take a chance and fall in love. If it doesn’t work out, remember that greater things will.

Love, msoptimistic.tumblr.com

Never Again.

Your name,
written all over my mind as if nothing else matters.

Your face,
memorized. The way you smile, the way you look at me.

Your scent,
sweet, brisked cologne.

And... every action.
everything I do, reminds me of you.

And it sickens me how I base all my routines and my being over if you'd 'like it' or if you'd ever 'care for me' again.
But I know you cared too much to the point where you figured out I didn't care enough, and you left me... and I let go because I listened to everybody's else's theory on why you act the way you do and why you talk me into situations I'd never wrap myself around.
To be honest, they were all right. And to be even more honest, so were you.

Emotional.

Running up and down the stair case,
trying to chase each others problems away,

Because we're tired of thinking that everything is going to be okay.

And we feel like emotions of devastation and being upset won't ever change.
And we're sat in a room with people who used to love us.
Because we can't erase the hate and reject the neglect,
since we are portrayed as a generation of hate and unwillingness to forget.




So we remember those friends who said they cared about us,
then told us they had our back and told us that we should trust.
So, we bag problems into their lives,
and they take our words and turn them into knives.
Then eventually, trying to take each friend and chopping them out of our lives.




Then we speak the truth, but no ones seems to listen.
It's hard to forget someone, when that someone made a difference..


So I run up and down my staricase,
trying to make peace a solution,
but peace is something that involves everyone's contribution.

- Erika S.

I refuse to be bullied into silence.
Friendship was a thing that became so violent.
And, I wish I could be the same person I was before,
silent, lonely, but you opened that door ..
you introduced to me love,
and how to live life without being lonely.
But, fighting for frienships turned everything ugly.
And sometimes, I wished you forgot about me,
because sometimes, I think of those brutual nights.
Sitting alone, in those empty rooms, praying to God that you'd see it soon!
You'd see my sorrow.
The pain you bestowed me.
I was the Princess of Hatred,
And you were the Queen of Insane.
So please, just hear me,
I want you to call,
because all I've been hearing,
is that you want a brawl.

Take me away.

Friendships.
The simply word that takes a big part in our lives.
Searching for something, because we are considered "undefined"
And I'm tired of it,
running in circles, trying get somewhere in life,
because no one was there, when they said they had your back.
And your speechless..
because people take words out of your mouth
and reincanate them into words of courage that we lacked.
And I'm tired of fighting for nothing,
because home feels likes war because your father ... gain confidence behind bars.
And I'm sick of it,
running in circles, trying to please everyone,
when .. one day you wish you were the only one.

<3.

Affects of a Special Kind of Love.

Hey there ... well, I'm back.

I'm a six letter word that you think is magic.

Can't handle me, 'cause I can transform you into something tragic.

You tell me you love the feeling?

When your body becomes drunk and others can see it?

I can send you heaven, because 1 drink plus 10 = 11.

Acute Alcohol Posioning is not only what I can do to you.

You survive today, wait till I get to the rest of you

Hey there ... well, I'm back.

I'm a six letter word that you think is magic.

Can't handle me, 'cause I can transform you into something tragic.

You tell me you love the feeling?

When your body becomes drunk and others can see it?

I can send you heaven, because 1 drink plus 10 = 11.

Acute Alcohol Posioning is not only what I can do to you.

You survive today, wait till I get to the rest of you ..

You're sitting there, in that nice chair, drinking it up to impress those who 'care'?

I'm telling you, I'm getting there.

Sucking your body up to what my standards are,

your a teen with a low self-esteem.

So you think I can redeem you?

Oh, honey please, I can kill you.

First, you'll love.

Drink me up, " ou, thats nifty."

First you'll fall into my arms, clumsy as can be.

Stumbling over racks of chairs and friends, and possibly bump into your family.

Speech is slurred, no one is going to hear you out.

Think they care? Sweetie, your skin will break out!

I'm getting there, I'm sucking you up ..

Then 10 years later, every Saturday night,

you're with your drinking buddy, drinking to your delight.

I'm like a drug you can't quit.

I'm the weight around your waste.

See, now, your in Alcoholic Anonoyms seeking for some help,

You've wasted your life on me.

When you speak, the echo of alcohol lies beneath your breath.

Oh hail my revenge, I've got you bad!

You try to quit, but there's no way of escaping from me.

I'm you depressant when everything is bad.

I understand your upset, but this way YOUR decision to take this path.

I didn't make the decision to land into your hands one day,

you picked me up to drink the stress away.

Your down to your 'last' beer,

Goodnight my love, don't stress about those younger days ..

For I'll be there tommorow morning, relieving your futher pains ...

xo, Alcohol.